I miss you, my darling, as I always do,
but today is especially hard because the ocean has been singing to me,
and the song is that of our life together.
I can almost feel you beside me as I write this letter,
and I can smell the scent of wildflowers that always reminds me of you.
But at this moment, these things give me no pleasure.
Your visits have been coming less often,
and I feel sometimes as if the greatest part of who I am
is slowly slipping away.
I am trying, though. At night when I am alone,
I call for you, and whenever my ache seems to be the greatest,
you still seem to find a way to return to me.
Last night, in my dreams, I saw you on the pier near Wrightsville Beach.
The wind was blowing through your hair,
and your eyes held the fading sunlight.
I am struck as I see you leaning against the rail.
You are beautiful, I think as I see you,
a vision that I can never find in anyone else.
I slowly begin to walk toward you, and when you finally turn to me,
I notice that others have been watching you as well.
"Do you know her?" they ask me in jealous whispers,
and as you smile at me, I simply answer with the truth.
"Better than my own heart."
I stop when I reach you and take you in my arms.
I long for this moment more than any other.
It is what I live for, and when you return my embrace,
I give myself over to this moment, at peace once again.
I raise my hand and gently touch your cheek
and you tilt your head and close your eyes.
My hands are hard and your skin is soft,
and I wonder for a moment if you'll pull back, but of course you don't.
You never have,
and it is at times like this that I know what my purpose is in life.
I am here to love you,
to hold you in my arms,
to protect you.
I am here to learn from you and to receive your love in return.
I am here because there is no other place to be.
But then, as always, the mist starts to form as we stand close to one another.
It is a distant fog that rises from the horizon,
and I find that I grow fearful as it approaches.
It slowly creeps in, enveloping the world around us,
fencing us in as if to prevent escape.
Like a rolling cloud, it blankets everything, closing,
until there is nothing left but the two of us.
I feel my throat begin to close and my eyes well up with tears
because I know it is time for you to go.
The look you give me at that moment haunts me.
I feel your sadness and my own loneliness,
and the ache in my heart that had been silent for only a short time
grows stronger as you release me.
And then you spread your arms and step back into the fog
because it is your place and not mine.
I long to go with you, but your only response is to shake your head
because we both know that is impossible.
And I watch with breaking heart as you slowly fade away.
I find myself straining to remember everything about this moment,
everything about you.
But soon, always too soon,
your image vanishes and the fog rolls back to its faraway place
and I am alone on the pier and I do not care what others think
as I bow my head and cry and cry and cry.